You're my little dorito
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
