How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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