i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My breath smells like gin and sadness
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
