It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
