i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
