thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
