I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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