moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
