hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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