the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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