So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
