I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
