I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
