It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
