and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
