dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
