What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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