did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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