i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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