I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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