there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
