U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
