So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
