I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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