By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
