Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
