Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
