dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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