That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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