the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
