Sponge bath it is.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
