do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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