I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
