You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
