So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
