I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
