am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
