I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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