just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
