last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
