How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
