Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
where am i from again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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