Don't you send me to vm
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
