yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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