So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The power of my boobs compel you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
