I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
