What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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