Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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