He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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