I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
