Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
